somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
