There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
