I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
