listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
