Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
