Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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