Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
