i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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