Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
