I'm eating all of the evidence.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
