I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
