highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
