they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
