One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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