Don't you send me to vm
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
