i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
