hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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