...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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