if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize