Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
zippers are such a cool invention
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
