i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
