my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
