well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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