the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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