it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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