no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
