The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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