I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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