The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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