wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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