Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
