i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
