they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i think my cat just said my name.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
