I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm both gender and math confused
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
