New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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