I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
