chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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