So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
