I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
