can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize