someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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