There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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