He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
