my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry about my life...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
