sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
