Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
