dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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