Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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