Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
