im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
