Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
