She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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