Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
