Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
did you just send me my own nude
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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