and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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