Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize