And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
