and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
