Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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