do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
