hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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