I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
