Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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